Table for One
The benefit of being single is not dating, not partying, not waking up with a hangover, and not waking up next to someone that you don’t love. The benefit of being single is not having to listen to a second, unsolicited, opinion about your choices or schedule. The benefit of being single is that your time is all yours. You can spend it however you want without offending anyone or feeling pressured to meet their expectations. The benefit of being single is that you can work on your own skills or wants without having to be considerate of anyone else.
I love relationships. I love being in one. And I love being in love. It’s a great feeling to lie next to someone every night and say whatever crosses your mind. To laugh with them, to cry with them, and to fade into sleep completely relaxed with them. As uncomfortable as a knee in the side is, it’s the best feeling in the world when it’s the knee of someone you love and spend every night with.
I probably fall in love too quickly. But I want to. I honestly feel that’s how every relationship should be. If there’s any hesitation, it’s not the right choice. If there’s any hesitation, it’s not the right person. But many people use their time being single to fall in love too slowly. They don’t know what they want, so they go out looking for it. That’s great if you’re a college graduate looking for employment. But in relationships all that does is cause headache, regret, and a routine of bad habits that always end in break-ups. Break-ups that leave you single again.
A college graduate spent four years preparing to find a job. Four years building qualifications and skill sets that would make them suitable for a specific profession. That’s the opposite of what single people do. For as long as they’re single, they spend that time doing things they’d never do in a relationship. They date someone new every few weeks… not something you do in a relationship. They break up numerous times and for petty reasons… not something you should do in a relationship. They do something impulsive, irresponsible, and unlike themselves… not something a person in a relationship with them is going to respect.
Many claim that these practices help them find out what they want. That shuffling though people helps them decide what they like. That’s wrong. Being single and dating only helps you find what you don’t want. It allows you to do all of the things that don’t work. The success rate of relationships proves that. Establishing bad habits, bad judgment, bad peer groups, and racking up bad experiences makes anyone less qualified and less skilled at being someone that is good to be in a relationship with. Dating to find out what you like and want is the perfect recipe for never having a successful relationship.
I think everyone that’s single should be single. They should spend their time alone. They should work on their own relationship skills, write down what they want, and create a tactic for getting it. To go out spending time with everyone but themselves isn’t being single. It’s avoiding being alone. It’s avoiding working on themselves. In the end, those people end up being a compilation of the dates that they’ve been on. Every detail about their individuality has been modified to suit the numerous people that ultimately didn’t want to be in a relationship with them. They’ve compromised who they are to become who is acceptable. If they had spent that time in their living room building themselves into whom they saw themselves as, their success rate would be much greater. The number of people wanting to be with them would be much greater.
I don’t know everything. But I know who I am. I know what I want. It’s all written down on a list over there on the table. A list established by myself, alone. A list that, when completed, will make me a better man, a better father, and a better person to be in a relationship with. I don’t have to show my list to anyone. It’s never been edited by someone. It’s never been proof-read by someone. And I didn’t have to go out with fifty people, consult my bishop, or call my dad to write it. I’ve just had a few periods in my life when I was single and decided to work on my relationship potential, decided to improve myself, and decided that I didn’t like failing in love, failing as a father, or disappointing myself. Because when I failed at those things, no one took that pain from me. If being in a relationship couldn’t protect me from that hurt, then I needed to use my time being single to learn how to prevent relationships from failing.
No one should sleep without a knee in their side. No one should come home to an empty house. Or worse, cry in one. No one should spend their time being single by avoiding being alone. Instead, everyone should scoot up to their coffee table, grab a pen, and write down what they want for themselves. Being single is the only time you’ll get to do that. And being single is the only time you’ll be able to commit to checking that entire list off. When you’re single, life should be about you. The real you. The you that your parents know is in there, the you that your friends love, and the you that someone would want to lay next to every night. The you that has goals, aspirations, and ideals. The you that accomplishes them instead of wasting more time feeling lonely.
